


Rickboree

by Frostberry



Category: Rick and Morty
Genre: Gen, doofus rick is so kind, evil morty is an asshole, he loves jerries, wubba dubba do dub
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-05-31 18:43:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19431904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frostberry/pseuds/Frostberry
Summary: Evil Morty meets his new partner, Doofus Rick.





	Rickboree

The bored looking Rick didn’t even look up when Evil Morty approached. It had taken all night for the Morties to be identified and sorted out at the Citadel. There was a large sign saying  _ Morty Town, three miles  _ and  _ Sanchez Financial District, one mile  _ behind him. 

From what Evil Morty could gather, those who did not want a Rick went to Morty Town and those who were assigned a new Rick went to the Financial District - which obviously, where the Council of Ricks must be. 

Evil Morty’s half cybernetic brain was buzzing with ideas about how to infiltrate the Council of Ricks when the bored looking Rick asked, “Do you have any identification on you, Morty?” 

“Oh, oh jeez-” Evil Morty pretended to be confused and pressed his two fingers together. Above them, a police car flew ahead. “What do you mean by- by identification?” 

“Tattoos, mutations, dimension number,” snapped Bored Rick. “I’ve been here six hours, hurry up and pick if you want to have your own Rick or go to Morty Town.” 

“C-137A. I have no tattoos, sir.” 

Bored Rick scribbled it down on a sheet of paper on a purple clipboard, and pressed on the word ‘C-137A’ which then came up with an identification file. He swiped through it with a gloved finger and flicked it back down so it disappeared within the paper. “Do you want to go to Morty Town or get a Rick?” 

“I’ll - I’ll have a Rick, please.” For Citadel Domination, Evil Morty thought it would be best to start over with a Rick rather than gather cronies over at Morty Town. “Oh jeez, will we go on adventures together?” 

“Depends on the Rick,” said Bored Rick. He tapped his clipboard once again and another file popped up. “You’re the five hundredth Morty to come through, Ricks are running out. There’s just… one left. Shit, that fucking Rick is the  _ worst _ .” 

“I will go to any Rick,” Evil Morty said. He put on a fake smile. In his cybereye, it had already found out the weaknesses and strengths of Bored Rick. This eye would come in handy. “I’m the last in line, um, why don’t you go home to your wife?” 

Bored Rick looked up suspiciously from his file. “How do you know about Unity?” 

“You - you look like you have a wife.” 

Evil Morty waited around until Bored Rick filed out his paperwork. “So this Rick you’ll meet, he has a free replacement voucher so he doesn’t have to pay. His Morty just died, you see, after getting into a card fight with Citadel Morty Soldiers. Facts include…” Bored Rick yawned as he started reading out the file. A Rick came up on the screen in front of Evil Morty - it was an ugly Rick with a bowl haircut. His eyes were sticking out and looked glazed over. “He likes to eat his own shit and he’s best friends with Jerry.” 

***

Doofus Rick was very,  _ very  _ pleased to see his new Morty. He was of course, very sad that his own Morty died only a few hours ago, but living in the Citadel, he knew that many Morty’s weren’t exactly… individual. It was like getting a pet - you may have the best pet in the world, but in reality you could have just gotten any other pet and it’ll still be great. 

He spotted Evil Morty by the fountain of Ricks, a statue with the Council’s greatest members which had them pissing out into the water. It was pretty vulgar - like most Ricks. Evil Morty was eating a burger from  _ Beth’s Takeout.  _

Doofus Rick was so excited he almost tripped over. “Hi! I’m Rick, you must be C-137A Morty!? I just came from the sister dimension for work, C-137!” 

“Oh, jeez - I - I thought C-137 had been cronenberged,” said Evil Morty, finishing off his burger. “Turned into monsters like many of the Earths in the multiverse…” 

Doofus Rick thought about it for a moment. “Wait! No, I got it wrong. I saw C-137  _ Rick  _ but him and his Morty were residing in a different dimension… AK-98? Zeek 7501? Ah, I’m not sure which dimension we were in.” 

“Oh - okay.” Evil Morty did not mention the fact he had tried to kill C-137 Rick the day before. “Well - what - what are we going to do now, Rick?” 

“I’m going to get a burger,” Doofus Rick looked over to  _ Beth’s Takeout _ . “Do you want another one?” 

“Oh - oh sure. Why not.” 

***

Doofus Rick was sweet and kind, Evil Morty noticed. He didn’t eat his own shit, but he took a lot of shit from the other Ricks for being different in personality. Almost every Rick in the Citadel had the same awful drunk personality, but this one didn’t. According to Evil Morty’s cybereye, his strengths were participating in charity runs and cooking ovenless brownies with only a few chemicals, while his weaknesses in general included being a pushover and kindness. 

Doofus Rick had given him his previous Morty’s old room. “Let me know what you want on the walls, or what sort of bedding you want. I can go and find it for you. Most Morty’s tend to stick to the same thing - but you seem pretty different to the rest of them!” 

Evil Morty did not believe that at all. Almost all Morty’s were the same, unless they came from Morty Town where they strayed and become addicts. He looked up at the poster of the redhead in a bikini. “I’ll keep it this way - thanks Rick.” 

“Well, the Citadel has an adventure for us,” said Doofus Rick. “Hanging out with C-137’s family was pretty fun, but no time for sleep. We have something else to do!” 

***

That ‘something else to do’ was cleaning up the remains of three Ricks and a Morty in Dimension A-AAA. Or as Doofus Rick called it, ‘Battery Land’ as everything was still run by battery and not electricity. 

“Why - why do we have to clean it up?” Evil Morty asked, as Doofus Rick handed him a shovel which had been fetched from A-AAA’s garage. “I mean - isn’t there a taskforce of Ricks that do this?” 

There was a sharp scraping noise as Doofus Rick’s shovel scraped against the cement of the garage to pick up a Rick’s head to put into an interdimensional trash can. It was a mini portal that put anything Rick or Morty related into a safe space where nobody to get to it. There was a  _ whoosh  _ and Rick’s head went flying into the portal. “They’re pretty busy, you know. Infinite realities and plenty of Ricks. I’m kinda like - the guy who just tags along for missions and does what needs to be done… I’m kinda honoured I get to go dimension hopping, y’know. Tomorrow I’ll be fixing the Summer Park Rollercoaster.” 

“Oh jeez, that sounds like fun,” said Evil Morty, picking up a Morty foot that had been crushed and throwing it into the interdimensional trash can. “I - I can’t wait.” 

***

It was the most boring fucking ‘adventure’ Evil Morty had ever had. Doofus Rick spent seven hours talking non stop about the aerodynamics of the theme parks best rides, while all the Summers that worked there put their noses up in disgust as they walked past them. Doofus Rick took out his tools to start matience on one of the rides. 

“I’ve done talking, sorry I just love talking about roller coasters, Morty. I’m going to take Jerry on one of these rides sometime. Why don’t you go get something to eat?” In the toolbox, under the spanner Doofus Rick got out a few dollars. “The sushi is pretty good around here.” 

With that, Evil Morty left Doofus Rick to his own devices. Ignoring the amount of Smith and Sanchez families around him taking their kids to the theme park, he ordered the sushi (as the sidekick, he had to take suggestions by his Rick pretty seriously) and sat around in front of a large screen update that had the Citadel News on it. 

_ “The Citadel for some reason is having open elections this year for a new President as the current President, Rix Stix, is retiring. So far twenty seven Ricks have put their hands up to be the next President. They’re all a bit shit - but -  _ burp -  _ that’s the news for you _ .” 

Evil Morty looked back at the ride which Doofus Rick was fixing. There was no way he would be over to take over the Citadel with  _ that  _ Rick. He had to come up with a plan. 

***

Using Doofus Rick’s portal gun, Evil Morty went quickly back to the Citadel. He put his name down hurriedly on the sheet outside the Council of Rick’s office, then reappeared several minutes later at the amusement park. He put back the portal gun in the toolbox, as if he hadn’t done anything. Doofus Rick hadn’t noticed, of course - he was too busy talking to a Jerry. 

“My best friend is a Jerry,” he was saying to the man, who was supposed to be watching his own kids (Younger versions of Summer and Morty) on the large slippery slide behind them. “I never had a Jerry of my own - didn’t have kids. I have a Morty though. Say hi, Morty!” 

“It’s so weird,” said Jerry, looking over at Evil Morty and crossing his arms, “Seeing what your kids will look like in ten or so years.” 

“Well, um -” Evil Morty made a backstory up quickly, “I didn’t really have much time to spend with my dad. He was also a Jerry. He - he loved playing… golf.” 

Jerry laughed. “All Jerry’s do love golf. And fixing simple things,” He turned his back to Doofus Rick. who was completing one last check of the rollercoaster before giving it the all clear to be useable again. “My Rick drops me off at this amazing place called Jerryboree Inc when he and Morty go on adventures - it’s on Furp Rock. So many Jerries. So much fun.” 

Doofus Rick hadn’t heard the last sentence, and tapped the Rollercoaster a few times. It started up, spun around a few times before stopping dead. “Damn! I must really be a Doofus Rick, I’m so sorry, Morty - this will take a bit longer.” 

The Jerry disappeared with his family, and Evil Morty looked up into the sky. 

It was so boring being really, really, evil. But then he had an evil idea. 

***

“Oh - you know, I think I found a place where you could hang out with Jerry,” said Evil Morty when they got home. “Jerry told me about it. It’s on Furp Rock, have you - have you heard of it?” 

“Furp Rock? The unregistered shopping mall?” asked Doofus Rick, sitting down on his sofa, looking exhausted. There was a streak of grease in his hair. “Does Jerry like hanging out there?” 

“Sort of,” said Evil Morty. “We should - we should go.” 

***

Several days later after dropping hints they  _ needed  _ to go to Furp Rock, they were going to go. This request had been ignored for several days because Doofus Rick had set his sights on feeding homeless Mortys in Mortytown, and had been busy making large amounts of soup and bread for them before winter settled over the Citadel. “ _ Now  _ can - can we go?” Evil Morty asked after the last bowl was licked clean by a smelly looking Morty. The Morty took one look at Evil Morty and ran off with his friends. 

“We’ve got to clean all these dishes up, Morty. These Mortys have been starving, you know.” Doofus Rick took out his portal gun and tapped the settings around and found the one labelled ‘dishwasher’. With a few buzzes, the bowls were washed clean and dried. Crumbs on the gross road disappeared within the cracks of the asphalt. 

“Okay, these are done. Let’s go to Furp.” 

***

“Hi, do you have a Jerry to pick up?” 

Evil Morty approached the counter where a kind alien was waiting. “Uh, can I have a form?” 

“Wow,” said Doofus Rick, going into the next room. “Look at all these Jerries.” There was a hushed silence as every Jerry in the room stopped and looked up in fear. 

“Well,” said Evil Morty, handing over his paperwork to the alien woman, “I better get going.” 

Doofus Rick looked around and his eyes widened as he noticed Evil Morty had his portal gun. “Wait! What’s going on-” 

He disappeared. 

“Sir, this is a drop off for you from C-137A Morty. We don’t usually have Rick drop offs in Jerryboree. Welcome.” 

END 

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Note: Don’t worry. Doofus Rick is fine. He creates his own portal gun and leaves within a few days anyway. But not before having fun with lots of Jerries. Evil Morty, one the other hand, becomes President. Doofus Rick ends up getting a job at Jerryboree, and lives happily ever after.


End file.
